September 26, 2008
Hubby B and I were going off to the office. I was already waiting in the car with Baby M when Hubby B called me back inside to find his laptop bag. I can't recall if we even took the bag down down last night when we got in because I was dead tired, and had fallen asleep almost immediately the moment we got inside. But Hubby B remembered that he had taken the bag, which was lying down on the floor next to the living room sofa, back inside the room. He remembered placing the bag down in front our room TV.
It wasn't there this morning though.
So began the hunt for the missing laptop bag - Hubby B's prized possession, life-thread, treasure and crucial database.
We looked all over: the living room, our room, our walk-in closet, the bathroom (?), the garage, all of downstairs. Then I thought, hey, maybe it can be upstairs, which was a bit strange as we don't usually go upstairs unless completely necessary. But Hubby B's study is upstairs, so maybe... But it wasn't there. Just for the sake of it, I looked in the guest bedroom. And there it was! In the guest bedroom. I thought WTF??? How did it get there? And even more mindblowing: the laptop, the bag, the charger, the USB cords, and Hubby B's foreign currency envelope were all laid down nicely and tidily on the bed. Even more WTF????? Thinker, huh?
I called Hubby B to come up and look. Of course, first thing he checked was his money envelope that he's been meaning to take to the bank. GONE! All of the money! Except for one 50E note! Hmmm, whoever took it must have thought it was Monopoly Money.
But seriously, WTF????? How could someone have taken the money, leave the most valuable note of them all behind, didn't take the laptop, or anything else? My first instict was to go check all the door and windows: no signs of forced entry. Then I went to check my bags and jewelries: all was in tact. Nothing was missing. Even the cash inside my wallet. Seriously, it was just the foreign cash. And the weird state in which the culprit left it.
There was nobody in the house. All have went home for the Hari Raya. Except Baby M's nanny. So, in the spirit of the great Detective Conan, I've narrowed it down to the following suspects:
1. Baby M's nanny (mental note to self: keep close watch over her)
2. or Hubby B / Myself have been sleep walking.
But I'm sure that even though in our subconsciousness, we would never be THAT tidy as to lay down all the cords freakily neat!
And besides, what kind of stupid burglar would take only the money (which was not very much, by the way) and leave the rest behind. If he/she did go into our room, why didn't he/she take the cash that's in my bag (which was right next to Hubby B's laptop bag)?
Then again, if he/she did go in our room, walked freely in and out... SHIT! I'm just glad we're all ok! (see, at least something to be grateful about in the midst of panic!)
Seriously, I'm bolting all doors and windows tonight. And I'm gonna do some private detective work to see if Baby M's nanny is up to something. Seriously, the weirdest thing!
September 25, 2008
I woke up missing Holland. I miss touching down on Schiphol airport to be greeted by the clean open space. I miss seeing a few daklozen napping on the benches. I miss the cold air that brushes against my face as I head out.
I remember Rotterdam, the town where I lived in for 3 years. I think I grew up in that city. I found who I was there. It's Rotterdam who made me who and what I am today. I love the city. Modern with a classical feel. Quiet with a wild side. Friendly and just plain fun, filled with friends who have in time became my heart and soul.
I miss walking to and from Rotterdam Centraal. I miss hopping in and out the NS Trains and Metros. I miss buying strippenkaarten, which I keep losing. I miss standing in the packed filled bus with coffee verkeerd.
Rotterdam Beurs Station
I miss sleeping in on Saturday morning, and getting ready for lunch in the city. I miss that little Unox Soep place in de stad. I miss erwtensoep in the cold weather. I miss cruising down the Koopgoot. I miss stopping in each and every store, feeling excited as if I've never been in any of them before. I miss Expo and the unique gifts they carry. I miss H&M esp. its accessories section. I miss Hema and their yummy rookworst. I miss de Bijenkorf and its elegance. I miss brunch at V&D. I miss seeing familiar faces and hearing familiar Indonesian voices amongst the crowd. I miss Rotterdam Beurs.
Rotterdam Beurs, Koopgoot
I miss Rotterdam by night. I miss the sweet smell of the evening wind. I miss Pathe Schowburg, de Doelen, and that place across of it which name I suddenly can't recall. I miss Grand Palace and their bamie met gemengde vlees. I miss going there knowing that they will always give an unlimited supply of drinks for students on a budget. I miss being taken to Prachtig to see the beautiful bridge, where I always end up being amazed by their three-layer coffee-verkeerd rather than the bridge itself. I miss the snow and the hagel that rips straight through my really cheap flip umbrella. I miss patat speciaal, broodje mexicano, stampot met zuurkool, appelbollen, and amandelkoekjes.
Rotterdam Centraal Station
I don't know if I'm really missing Nederland, or even Rotterdam, but I think it's more about missing what I had when I was in it - a carefree life. The beauty of it all is just a bonus.
But I believe that I will be there again someday, even if just to feel the cold air and walk on the wet sidewalks. Just to reminisce, briefly.
Not today, though. Now I have to get my head out of the clouds and get back to work.
Dank je, Nederland, voor alles wat ik had toen ik daar was. Ik ben zeker dat ik je nog zou ontmoeten. Tot ziens.
September 24, 2008
September 23, 2008
"Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination. And when he's tall, he's what we call a dinosaur sensation..."
Barney has officially taken over my life. He's constantly on my tv and in my car. He's there when I wake up, he's there when I eat, when I come home, and when I go to bed. He's even there at my in-laws place on Saturdays and Sundays. There's just no way to escape Barney and his friends, BJ and Baby Bop.
This is all because Baby M is so truly, madly, deeply in love with Barney. She's now capable of finding Barney, and asking for him when he's not around. She's even capable of missing him after absence as short as a day. She feels peaceful just listening to the chiming of "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family...".
This was taken upon our arrival from a quick weekend getaway in Surabaya. She hadn't seen Barney for about 60 hours. Just as she saw the small screen TV in our Serena, she just had to meet him again. She obviously missed him so. And no one, and I mean NO ONE, can come between her and her Barney.
But as sick as I am with the whole new modern version of Yankee Doodle, her beaming smile kinda makes up for it all. At least it's just a dinosaur from her imagination, just a dinosaur sensation, and not some boy, or even another mom.
I've got something to be thankful for.
I guess that when you think about it, the "law of attraction" is not that unlogical. It actually makes sense. But I'm rather curious to find out whether visualizing a parking space will actually win me a spot in the overly crowded parking lot at PIM2. Or whether directing my thoughts on my dream house will actually land me an estate on the most prime area of Jakarta closest to the shopping mall.
Or just thinking about it out loud will actually get me one of these.
This is the Sampoerna Strategic Square, located on Sudirman. A beautiful building that conveys strength, security, and success - at least in my opinion anyway. I hope to have an office in one of these buildings. No, I want to own one of these buildings.
So, there it is. My visualisation of what I want. Just like what it said in The Secret.
I will let you know how this "law of attraction" thing works out. Wish me luck.
September 22, 2008
September 11, 2008
...that driving in Jakarta really brings out the worst in people. Those who never swear, will surely swear on the road.
...that being faced with deadlines pumps up my adrenaline so much that I start walking (and working) faster. Does this mean that I need more deadlines?
...Shepherd's pie have no news-worthy story for Christmas. Now, how am I going to write this new menu up?
...that my pink suede shoes are too much for my pink pucci-printlike knit top.
...that only thinking and blogging about my thoughts this morning are really not going to push my deadlines any further. Gotta get back to work!
September 9, 2008
Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come
Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come
Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come
I want to tell my child(ren) just how great our Lord is. I want them to learn to love the God that I love, who loves me and them unconditionally. I want them to hear me sing about His glory in my praises, and about His grace in my worship. I want them to hear about the beauty of living in God's good favours everyday.
Maybe I should start taking singing lessons.
"It makes me want to shout: Hallelujah! Thank You, Jesus. Lord, You're worthy of all the glory, and all the honor, and all the praise!"
September 7, 2008
September 5, 2008
Location: Mall of Indonesia - Kelapa Gading, Jakarta.
Was here for the blessing ceremony of CENTRO Dept. Store. It will be open for public tomorrow. The store itself is unbelievably huge. The shoes and bags floor is simply to die for. I wanna live there.
The mall complex is even bigger. It was like a mini town all on its own. We circled around - in heels! Secret motivation: yummy bakpao (too bad it was closed!). But we really enjoyed the walk, the cool evening fresh air kinda made up for it all.
Gotta go, Baby M is suddenly awake. And it's almost 1 am. Looks like it's going to be a long night.
Too excited beyond words with my birthday presents.
Got a super tiny and super cool ASUS from hubby. Now I can go online almost anywhere, which is simply fabulous! Plus it's so tiny I can take it anywhere.. Duh, that's the whole point of a tiny laptop! The keyboard needs a little getting used to, though. As if my fingers are just too big.
The Nokia E71 is a gift from myself. Celebrating me, so to speak.
September 4, 2008
September 3, 2008
I almost can't believe just how fast time flies. It's been more than a year since we had the 7th month Ceremony for the safety of our firstborn. Kinda like a baby shower, traditional Javanese style, and the presents didn't come till later.
This was the first time ever, and was pretty interesting too, even though I was surrounded by flies around that floral headpiece I was wearing. Belly was fat as ever, and I could barely stand the heat. Hubby reluctantly wore the traditional dress.
But all and all, it was a good day. And we had a good time.
Next celebration to look forward to: Baby M's first birthday party.
September 2, 2008
The feeling of inadequacy, insufficiency, incapability. I feel disgruntled and frustrated because of it.
I feel as though I'm not enough, constantly comparing myself to an image wandering around in my mind.
I hope that this is just a feeling that will go away soon. And tomorrow, I'll be back to my confident self.
Baby M was good the whole morning. She didn't make a fuss when I fed her breakfast, or when I fed her her daily vitamins. She didn't even make a fuss all the way to lunch. She even gave me the chance to catch up with a girlfriend over lunch. Hubby didn't join us until later. He wasn't feeling well.
We were chatting away over sushi and unbelievably oily pasta at Urban Kitchen, until Baby M started making her "poopy" face. It was time.
I fled to the changing room with Milla who volunteered to come (note: I seriously didn't make her go). Baby M had done some serious business. It was like opening a can of worms. It was literally everywhere, ready to take on the world. And Baby M just wouldn't lay still the entire time.
So there we were, with baby crap all around us. And a baby who just wouldn't cooperate.
I ended up washing her on the sink, wasting away baby wipes as if they grow on trees, and laughing with my girlfriend all the way. Baby M looked content, tho.
It was an experience that made me realize that I'm seriously not made for this mommyhood thing. But I'll get there. One crappy nappy at a time.
August 29, 2008
Kid fell off the bed again this morning. This is the 4th time. It wasn't as bad as when she fell down about 5 days ago with a huge thump. This time, it was just her cry that was super loud. I can feel my instincts become sharper. This time I actually broke her fall a little bit with my leg. Half-a-sleep at 3am leg...! Not bad. And while I was looking for damages, I found 2 huge mosquito bites. I'm sure somewhere, there's a tiny little mosquito who just died of greed.
This has gotten way out of hand. I felt so helpless. Yeah, ok, maybe the mosquito bite is inevitable in this hot humid tropical climate, but I mean, what kind of mother allows her kid to roll off her bed on a regular basis? It wasn't as if I had wanted her to do some super stunts, but she's so active it's too hard to control.
When I'm not asleep, I'm usually very protective of her. I let her do her own things, and I ward off people who disapproves. I'm always behind her whenever she starts standing up or when she's trying to force open drawers (yes, she's that strong!), so that her tiny little fingers don't get caught.
But I guess that I have to accept that I too am a human being, who has limits. I can't always protect her from those greedy little mosquitos, or whatever is in the sun or the winds. But I can take preventive measures.
From now on - more insect repellers, mosquitos nets, and always sleeping in her own Graco!
The Mother Lion has spoken.
August 28, 2008
August 27, 2008
Dear (so-called friend),
Look, I usually don't like to pick who my friends are. Usually I can tolerate almost anyone. I don't usually complain when my friends come to me and vent about the same subject over and over again, with no conclusion. I don't really mind when they ask me for my opinion and outcast it as if I didn't think about what I wanted to say. I don't usually care when people like to follow my every step in what I want to do for myself or for my family. In fact, it makes me feel kind of special that I can be somewhat of a role model in my friend's life, even if they did tell me what a stupid idea it is at first. I don't usually mind when people steal my ideas and take credit for it. And I don't usually take seriously the constant criticism and the sarcastic comments about what I have, what I do, or what I am, but this has got to STOP!
I'm sorry that your mansion is too small for you. I'm sorry that your filthy rich in-laws never shower you with diamonds. I'm sorry that your husband won't take you around the world, or buy you a million dollar designer bag. I'm sorry that your husband does not get the respect that he deserves. 'm sorry that you feel deprieved of the fake idea of a life that you dreamed of. I'm sorry that all these things make you unhappy.
But here's a tip. Life is more than just money. Life is a lot of hard work. And you're not going to make it any better by complaining about it everyday. Do something, get a job, get a life!
I am done with your abuse and your negative energy that's sucking the life out of me. I am done playing along just so I don't hurt your feelings. I'm done pretending that there is nothing wrong with you. Because clearly, there is.
But despite of all this, I would like to thank you - for making me feel grateful for my life, for the blessings that I receive everyday, and for making me see that what I have is more than I need.
I pray that you will find your way soon.
With kind regards,
- Memiliki memori jangka pendek, maunya mendapatkan produk yang paling menguntungkan dan bisa digapai saat ini. Misalnya, memilih makanan yang enak daripada yang sehat, memilih obat yang cespleng daripada yang aman, dan lebih suka menegak minuman penambah tenaga daripada mengonsumsi vitamin.
- Tidak memiliki perencanaan
- Suka berkumpul
- Umumnya gagap teknologi
- Mengutamakan konteks bukan isi
- Suka buatan luar negeri, yang dipicu dengan rendahnya nasionalisme dan kualitas produk lokal
- Beragama dan suka supranatural
- Suka pamer dan gensi yang dipicu oleh budaya feodal dan percaya diri yang rendah
- Kekuatan subculture
- Rendahnya kesadaran terhadap lingkungan.
(Dari artikel "Tak mudah menaklukkan lidah orang Indonesia" oleh Linda Silitonga di Bisnis Indonesia)
August 25, 2008
August 22, 2008
A text message from an old friend:
Old Friend (OF): Pagi ibu Maya, met ultah ya? All the best wishes. GBU
Me: Thanks (OF)... Diingatkan FaceBook kah?
OF: Hehe, maunya nyari alesan lain tapi ga ada, hehe. Betul skali... :)
Me: I thought so..
Lesson learned: the incredible development in technology has enabled people to make their friends feel special.
August 21, 2008
That's basically it... celebrating independence.
Just a few days before our 63rd year of independence, I was saying to my husband about how this country gets all excited about celebrating their independence. Just for one day they appreciate the very existence of this nation. No complaints, no trash-talking the government. Only fun and games. Red and white flags everywhere. And I wanted absolutely no part of that kind of hypocracy.
But this year, it was different. This year I heard this song:
Indonesia tanah air beta
Pusaka abadi nan jaya
Indonesia sejak dulu kala
Slalu dipuja-puja bangsa
Disana tempat lahir beta
Dibuai dibesarkan Bunda
Tempat berlindung di hari tua
Sampai akhir menutup mata
I cried endlessly. The emotion just rushed through me like an express train. And it hit me... I never appreciated my country at all. I kept thinking that I don't have to do anything for this country because it's never done anything for me. But this country allowed me to live here. And that's a big thing.
I know I didn't choose to be born here. And no matter where I went, I always came back here. I believe I'm meant to do something great here.
So, thank you Indonesia, for the ground that I step on, for the air that I breathe, for whatever greens that is left, and for the richness that I have yet to discover.
July 28, 2008
1. I'm still completely obsessed and constantly complaining about my weight.
2. I still say that all this is "baby weight" - as if I just gave birth yesterday.
3. I still wonder about how people actually got their weight back to its rightful state as if they never carried an actual person in their bellies for 9 months
4. I still expect people to understand me when I'm being emotional as if I have moodswings through an overdose of hormones
5. And, I still slack off on my work as if I'm about to go on maternity leave any second now.
Ok - that's more than a thing or two.
A year has flown by. And somehow I missed it all. It was as if I was comatose for the past year and forgot to realize that I'm not the same person I used to be. Pregnant or not. Baby weight or no baby weight. I need to act fast. I gotta stop living in the past and start doing something to change the things that I dislike.
But I'm glad to say that I've realized some things still remains the same:
1. My husband is still as attentive as he was when I was carrying his kid, possibly even more.
2. My baby is still the cutest thing I've ever seen, although she's growing much faster than I would like her to.
3. My workplace is still filled with the most inspiring people. Business is growing at warp speed and I'm learning new things everyday as though I was fresh out of college.
4. My friendship with those near me is still amazing. Married or not. Kid or no kid. The connection is still there.
5. And my family is still as happy as we were when the kid arrived!
No, better.. We're much happier now. So, I wonder.. What is this feeling? What's stopping me from living my life to the fullest?
July 15, 2008
Something I've just noticed. As human beings, people are envious of another. No matter how greatly fortunate the person is. The only difference would probably be on the level or amount of envy. Some are envious of a lot more things than others.
Now that I think of it, yes - I would say that am envious of many things. I think I get a little twinge or pang everytime I think of those whose weight just miraculously shedded after giving weight to a quarter-pounder of a baby, or of those who can wear almost anything and look incredibly gorgeous. Or of those who gets to spend every waking hour of everyday with their little one and not feel at all bored. Or those who earns an unbelievably large salary.
But I turned only one way without looking at the other. I guess people might envy a working mother who can fluently handle her baby at anytime without fail. Or wife who works with her husband, enjoying every privilege without judgement. Or a small group of people to call real friends. Or one who is truly blessed with a good kid and a loving husband. No pressure. No loneliness. Confidence. Bright and shiny.
Life is a trade-off. You gotta learn to count your blessings. Get the right attitude.
June 23, 2008
So, today I spent the whole day on the thing. And can I just say.. THANK GOD! for trend forecasters!
I'm now ready to tackle tomorrow. Thank You, Lord!
June 18, 2008
Crepes are made on a hot plate of black steel. First she dropped just a ladle-full of liquid-y dough, and slowly moved a little broom-like stick on top of it in circular movements, making it cover the surface of the entire round steel plate. She was supposed to wait a few moments before she could put the toppings on it. But the crepe cracked. She tried to mend it, but instead the crack grew bigger and it suddenly ripped. Finally, she had to tear the crepe away from the steel plate and started the same process again. But before she put the dough on it, she wiped the remaining dough – all crispy and burnt – with a wet cloth, leaving the steel plate in the right temperature to start again.
Seeing this had me begin to think about new relationships and old broken hearts.
When in a relationship, we feel as though our whole lives revolve around that one person who we deeply adore. We show our love by clinging on, holding on tightly and never letting go. We cover ourselves with that one person. Time passes and the relationship gets hotter. But when it cracks, and there was no way to salvage the remains of the relationship, we end up with nothing but a crispy, burnt, and broken heart.
I wish that getting over a failed relationship is as easy as removing the dough remains with a wet cloth. Wiping the slate clean is easier said than done. The memories that we have of the pain, and the foolishness that we’ve had to deal with in the past have kept us from moving on. Even when we do, sometimes we may find ourselves lost in fear and confusion. We may find ourselves swirling around in a never-ending whirlpool of negative thoughts. It takes more than a wet cloth to remove all the memories of the person who used to make you feel safe and loved. It takes a little more “oomph” to tear the pieces of those who used to cover your life, away from you.
But don’t allow yourself to be stuck in the past. It’s time to wipe the slate clean. Prep your heart for a new relationship. Let is start on a smooth clean surface. Reach out for what you believe in. Be fair. Trust in the person you love and have faith in them enough to know that they wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. Maybe time will heal, and maybe love will prevail. Or maybe it won’t. But muster up enough courage simply to take that risk.
And as alike as it maybe in theory, wiping away pain from your hearts is not as easy as removing crepe dough remains. After all, our hearts are not made of steel.
June 17, 2008
June 16, 2008
So, if we were to choose a later show, we just might get lucky. Afterall, these kids should still have curfew don't they?
Anyway, I'm just really psyched because I can finally go online on my mobile.
Shall we go and see the Premiere instead?
1. I love that you put your family above anything else
2. I love that you value your principles
3. I love that you call your families for no apparent reasons
4. I love that you love your mother so much
5. I love that you think your family is worth a thousand words
6. I love how you always tell people that you’re the shortest in the family
7. I love that you make me laugh
8. I love that you stayed with me the whole time during Marcia’s delivery
9. I love that you made me laugh so hard when I was actually that nervous!
10. I love that you could sleep so well on that pathetic excuse for a bed in the delivery room
11. I love that you love Marcia so much
12. I love to see you cuddle and play with her
13. I love to see that huge grin on your face when you do
14. I love that you could be such a silly father
15. I love that you love God
16. I love that you believe in His work in your life, and have faith in His plans for you
17. I love that I believe you will open a school one day
18. I love that you’re trully committed to your work
19. I love that no matter what you do, you’re always 100% excited!
20. I love to see you in your worn out t-shirt and shorts in front of the TV
21. I love that even though you forget to eat when your busy, you do so when I remind you
22. I love that you never forget your snacks whenever we go shopping
23. I love that you’re fussy about your food, although it confuses me at times
24. I love that help to do things around the house, like wiring and stuff
25. I love that you take me almost everywhere I need to go to do my errands
26. I love that you love staying at home
27. I love that you can stay in your study and fiddle around with your laptop for hours
28. I love that even though you’re tired, you always find the time to watch movies
29. I love that you can stay up at night
30. I love it because it gives me the chance to show you how much I love you by waking you up each morning (without fail!)
31. I love that it makes me the earlier riser (hihi!)
32. I love that you’re a movie freak
33. I love that you always take me to go to the movies
34. I love that we always have dinner after that
35. I love that you stuff me up with the snacking during the movies before that
36. I love that you still love me even though my weight is uncontrollable
37. I love you even more because I think you play a big part in my weight gain (haha!)
38. I love that you like helping people
39. I love that even if it goes out of your way, you still help them anyway
40. I love that you take cold drinks before you go to the car
41. I love that you take cold drinks almost everywhere you are
42. I love that you make sure of my happiness and comfort
43. I love that even though I complain a lot, you still put up with me anyway
44. I love that you’re an “underground” gadget freak
45. I love that you fixed my computer
46. I love that I never have to worry about anything techie in my life because you always do
47. I love that you burn me CDs
48. I love that music is a huge part of who you are
49. I love that you love to sing without care
50. I love that you can sing songs which you don’t even know the meaning of
51. I love that you were in a band
52. I love that you love Christian music
53. I love that you have such admiration for Jacky Cheung
54. I love that you took me to his concert for your very first time
55. I love that we had our honeymoon in Australia
56. I love that you showed me your favorite eating place
57. I love that we significantly got heavier together during that time
58. I love that you are a collector
59. I love that you collect even the smallest thing, although I can’t always understand why
60. I love that you can talk about your trading cards for hours, even though sometimes I don’t really get what you’re so excited about
61. I love that you regularly check your card values on E-Bay
62. I love that you love to buy small things from eBay even though sometimes I think it’s a waste
63. I love that you don’t make a fuss about my shoes obsession even though I know you think that’s a waste
64. I love that you don’t make a fuss about my bags, clothes, and shopping obsessions either
65. I love that you tried to quite smoking
66. I’m sure I’ll love you even more when we really actually do quit together
67. I love that you can get along with my friends
68. I love that you shared all your past-time memories with me
69. I love that you never really mention your exes because you know that it will annoy me
70. I love that you always take my feelings into consideration
71. I love how you try so hard to always make me happy
72. I love that you adjusted so well into our relationship
73. I love that you have changed so much ever since we got together
74. I love that you still keep your good qualities that made me fell in love with you
75. I love that you take things seriously – sometimes too seriously
76. I love how you ask for my opinion for different perspective
77. I love how you always take my opinions for considerations
78. I love that you put up with my family – I know they can be a lot to handle
79. I love that you adjusted well into our family
80. I love that you understand how different our backgrounds are
81. I love that you’re always open to new things
82. I love that you’re always more open than me
83. I love that you constantly remind me to have an open mind
84. I love how you continously apply the “corporate values” in every sentence for a week after your training at Pancawati
85. I love that you called me from Pancawati even though it was really late
86. I love that you understand how important it is for us to talk everyday
87. I love that you make an effort to call me because you know how I feel about it
88. I love that you can make me jump for joy whenever I receive a call from you
89. I love that you started out on making the “100 things” about me
90. I love that you include me in every aspect of your life
91. I love that you share everything with me and that I can share anything with you
92. I love that you are truly my best friend in the entire world
93. I love how you make me feel good about myself
94. I love that you made me so attached to you
95. I love that you showed me what it feels like to love like this
96. I love that making this list was not as hard as I thought it would me
97. I love that it showed me that there are at least 100 things I love about you
98. I love knowing that nothing could ever change how we feel about each other
99. I love knowing that you will be with me for always
100. I love YOU... just for being you.
There's actually so much to tell. So much to write.
Oh well, let's just hope that I can finally go online from my super cool new phone. Hooray!
June 9, 2008
June 5, 2008
I just got back from my parent's place to pick up my daughter. Mom was bragging about what new smarts the kid showed today. It kills me to know that I wasn't the first one to know. Apparently, she ate chicken today. And she loved it. Even though I explicitly asked Mom not to introduce chicken to the kid's diet yet. But I wasn't there. I had no choice.
I need to do something. I need to take control, draw the line. In my head, it would be so lovely. No one telling me what to do. Me and hubby raising the kid just how I want to. Noone pressuring me with thoughts about just how sucky a mother I turned out to be. I just want to pack up my bags and leave. Build a family (I thought that's what I'm supposed to be doing now, but noooo....)
This has been going on for too long. But as they say: you can't change anyone but yourself.
So, here's to the very little privacy in the extended Asian family culture who don't really let one be independent. Here's to believing that everything is normal and under-control. Here's to hoping that we'll finally find our place in the world. Here's to a new mindset.
Here's to the raindrops falling on my head. Hear, hear!
Here's my wedding vow, said to my husband about 1 1/2 years ago.
My dearest Takna,
As cliché as it may sound, no words can ever describe how much you mean to me.
You saw me in the dark, took my hand and led me into the light.
I am a better person because of you.
You love me even when I’m being childish and incredibly selfish. You understand me even when I’m being unreasonable. Most of all, you gave yourself wholeheartedly without knowing what the future holds.
There are some things that I will never be, but there are also some things that will always be.
I cannot promise you that I will never change
But whatever I am and whoever I become, I promise to love you with all my heart.
I dedicate my life to you as a true story of hope, love, and faith.
I thank God for this wonderful gift of you.
You are my best friend, my partner, my world.
My life is complete because I have you, to love and to cherish, now and forevermore.
Yes - it was an event worth remembering eternally. I cried the whole entire time when I said this. If I could do it all over again, I wish I didn't have to sound like someone being forced to marry an 98-year-old man who live in a shoe with 20 kids and 30 grandkids. Geezzzz...
But all and all, it was a seriously touchy moment.
Oh well, it's been too long anyway. Today is a good time for a fresh start.
Stay positive. I hope to master this art called blogging.